Wow! What just happened? I’m sure that’s how every new mum feels. In my experience becoming a parent is the most life changing event to ever happen to me. It’s amazing and wonderful, yet worrying, and sometimes scary, at the same time. And I wouldn’t change it for anything.
When I became a mum it felt as though my whole life had changed. I was looking at the same things but it was as though I was wearing a different pair of glasses. My view of the world suddenly became different. My focus, which up to that point had been me, then myself and my husband, was now centred around my beautiful little baby boy in a way that I had never centred my life around anyone before.
Even though I was still married to the same man, living in the same place, had the same friends and knew I was going back to the same job it felt as though I had a completely different life. All because of this tiny little man. My son. And it still feels weird and amazing to be able to say those two such special words.
I always wanted to become a mum. As a little girl I used to play at being a mum to my dolls and teddies, imagining that one day I’d be doing it for real. But then for a long time it looked as though it might not happen for myself and my husband. I had started to reason in my own head that it would be ok if I never became a mum, that maybe it wasn’t the path my life was supposed to take. But deep down I wanted it so much. As time went on it began to get harder and harder to hear about other people’s pregnancies, of course I was delighted for them, but I just wished so much that it was me making that announcement.
So when I finally took that positive pregnancy test it was the most amazing thing to see the word “pregnant” flash up on the little screen. Despite my growing tummy it still felt quite surreal throughout my pregnancy, this sounds completely crazy but every time I went for a scan I almost expected them to tell me that I’d imagined it all! I just couldn’t believe that this was happening to me.
Now I’m in the throws of new motherhood. The love I feel for my little man is unreal. It’s a love that I’ve never known before and when I think I can’t possibly love him any more deeply than I do my love for him just grows again.
So here I am at the beginning, well four months in, some days feeling like I’m starting to get it, others feeling like I don’t have a clue! But I know I’m not the only one out there so please join me on this journey that we call motherhood, after all we’re all in this together!